US - Stories of the Nearly Normal

Vyoos

follow this blog

32 followers

316 daily readers

rank of 25

E-mail Subscription

Receive an e-mail notification of new posts on this site:

US Stories of the Nearly Normal - Vyoos

Man rescued from his own stupidity

March 9th 2011 02:38

: Vyoos news

Timothy James Chapek, who declined to smile for his mug shot

STORIES OF THE NEARLY NORMAL
A man who broke into a home in Portland, Oregon, decided that he would have a shower while he was there.

It is not known whether having a shower was his intention in breaking into the house, or whether he had more conventional motives, such as robbery, which he deferred while he got cleaned up.

Whatever, there the intruder was, having a shower in someone else's home, when he was startled by a suspicious noise.

The man realised several things at once, although the sum total of their value barely registers on the IQ scale.

The first was that the noise might be the home owners returning, inconveniently, home.

The second was that, this being America, the homeowners might have a gun.

The third was, if they had a gun, he was in big trouble.

The fourth was, this might be a good time to panic.

So he did what any naked, wet, scared trespasser would do: he rang emergency.

It is also unknown whether he asked for police, ambulance, fire or the US Air Force. But someone came promptly, and arrested Mr Timothy James Chapek, 24, for being Nearly Normal.
story and image: www.kval.com/news

Vote

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: Crime, Guns, North America, US, Stories of the Nearly Normal

Email this Post to a Friend

Charlie Sheen, idiot

October 28th 2010 10:25

: Vyoos news

STORIES OF THE NEARLY NORMAL
If pushed, I would admit to a touch of envy at the life of Charlie Sheen.

The guy has enough talent to shine in the star-studded cast of TV mega-hit Two and a Half Men. He has looks and charm. He has wit, implying intelligence. One assumes, at age 45, he has health. And as part of the Sheen acting dynasty, he is of Hollywood aristocracy.

He has so much. So why does he waste it?

Why, in what was reported to be a drunken rage this week, did he take a prostitute back to his New York hotel room, wait until she was naked before locking her in a closet, and then trash the room?

Oh, wait, here it is, in the media small print: he flew into a rage because he found his wallet and phone missing.

The consequent room trashing must have sounded ominous to the naked prostitute locked in the closet. The report says she screamed. Perhaps she feared for her life. The report also said she phoned security, which duly came to the room and rescued her, in her nakedness, from the closet.

The report didn't say how she came to have a phone in the closet. It did say the security people didn't have to worry about Charlie because he was by this time passed out on the bed.

He was naked too.

Other reported facts were that Sheen was in New York on holiday with ex-wife Denise Richards and their two daughters, who were staying in a separate hotel suite. While they presumably had gone to bed at a civilised hour, perhaps anticipating some pleasant family togetherness the following day visiting a museum or a zoo or a show, Sheen had gone out "partying".

The hotel security people who woke Sheen said they found him "intoxicated, irrational" and "emotionally disturbed". However, he had gone voluntarily to hospital. Under police escort. On the way he confided to the cops, as best buddies do, that his night's entertainment had included cocaine.

A Sheen publicist said later that Charlie's behaviour was due to an allergic reaction to medication.

Right. Got it.

For a man with so much, why is Charlie Sheen such an idiot?
image: Getty Images

144

Vote

Comments (1)

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: Celebrity watch, Human nature, North America, US, Stories of the Nearly Normal

Email this Post to a Friend

How not to win friends and rob a store

October 24th 2010 05:52

: Vyoos news

STORIES OF THE NEARLY NORMAL
A couple in El Paso, Texas, has provided the perfect example of why intelligent beings from space don't visit Earth. Every time an advanced civilisation takes an interest - perhaps after intercepting radio waves carrying strains of Mozart - and considers dropping by and offering a few technological hints on nuclear fusion and time travel, some Earthling does something really dumb and the aliens laugh and mark us down for a review in 50 years.

Usually it's something a politician says which makes a fool of all of us, but occasionally it's a gobsmackingly asinine act by Joe and Josephine Public.

That was the case this week in El Paso, Texas, when Noemi Duchene, 44, and Luis Del Castillo, 45, decided to rob a jewellery store.

They planned it real careful like. First, they considered the jewellery store right across the street from where they lived and decided that one would do fine. Then they did some research on disguises and decided to use a plastic rubbish bag. No robbery planning would be complete without careful getaway vehicle selection, and Noemi and Luis finally decided on a wheelchair.

CCTV cameras - crime detection facilitators which it is possible Noemi and Luis overlooked - caught the pair arriving outside the store, he pushing her in the wheelchair.

Noemi then jumped out of the chair and put on the black plastic bag, out of which, in another act of careful planning, eye holes had been cut. Then, while Luis waited outside with the getaway vehicle, Noemi went inside, approached Linda Bradely, the owner of the store, produced a knife from under the garbage bag, and said: "Give me everything."

Linda Bradely looked at Noemi for a moment, reached under the counter, and drew out a stun gun. Noemi looked at the stun gun for a moment and, in possibly the only vaguely intelligent decision of the day, decided to run. It was only a momentary glimpse of intelligence, for Noemi decided to run around the store, for some reason which nobody - not even the very intelligent aliens reviewing the action - could understand, ignoring the door.

"We're chasing each other around like Keystone cops," Bradely recalls. "I knew I could outrun her because she was obviously not very quick."

Thick, not quick.

Eventually another customer tackled the would-be robber. He held her while Bradely called the police. When they arrived, Luis was still standing outside with the wheelchair, perhaps thinking this was taking longer than planned.

nbc-2.com

165

Vote

Comments (2)

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: Crime, North America, US, Odd Spot, Stories of the Nearly Normal

Email this Post to a Friend