Fair cop - the Halloween patrol
November 1st 2010 02:31
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Vyoos news
Policing Halloween can be tricky or treaty.
Naked, blindfolded and handcuffed people roaming the streets of the UK last night would have been greeted by police with an understanding nod.
Those British Bobbies know a thing or two about preparation for big events, such as Halloween. Police officers scheduled for patrol duty on All Hallows Eve were issued with a 300-page information handbook preparing them for all kinds of things.
For example, the book contained information about, and instructions for dealing with, the beliefs and rituals of a host of organisations not associated with the Boy Scouts.
The book contained a lot of information, for example, about witchery, which is why any policeman coming across a nude citizen in the blindfolded and trussed state mentioned earlier would have immediately called to mind the handbook chapter on witchcraft which included the following illumination: "Some ceremonies include a blindfolded, naked participant whose hands may be bound. This is in accordance with ritual and has the full consent of the participant.''
Also on witches, police who read the handbook carefully will have learned: "Witches have a Book of Shadows which contains a handwritten record or diary of their personal progress as a witch. Often the books have ornate covers. This book is regarded as private and special and should not be touched by anyone but the author. If it is possible to avoid touching this book then it is best to do so."
Even atheists got in-depth coverage. They scored nine pages of information, including the following crucial insights: "Atheists have no dietary requirements other than those of the individual. There are no designated places of worship. There are no prescribed texts. Atheists have no prayers. [But] be aware that atheists might feel offended by an assumption of faith."
I just hope these new-age, super-informed members of the constabulary can still perform old-age essentials, such as providing directions to the nearest pub.
telegraph.co.uk
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