Shrek's hard luck story
November 26th 2008 22:42
Warning: do no read this post if you are offended by references to parrots or feather hats or sleeping women named Jackie.
Or sex.
Jackie Lucking, a mother of three from Essex, England, had been to a christening. She wore her best feather hat.
Now the story turns murky. When Jackie arrived back home, she went to sleep on her sofa wearing her hat. It is unclear why Jackie did this. Had she imbibed a little too much christening wine? Or did she did she regularly mix hats, sofas and sleep?
Anyway, imagine Jackie snoozing peacefully, a loose feather rising and falling rhythmically in her breath stream. And now imagine the arrival of the second protagonist in our story. His name is Shrek, and he is a parrot, and he is in a state of sexual arousal.
His excitement is due, it has been determined, to the ingestion of nine SlimNSexy diet pills. These pills, carelessly left around by Jackie, are claimed by the manufacturer also to stimulate sexual urges.
The manufacturer will be happy to know that, for parrots at least, their claim is manifestly true. Shrek, flying into the living room, full of SlimNSexy pills and wanting nothing more in this world than a feathered friend to fornicate with, saw Jackie's hat.
Shrek didn't hesitate. With a shriek, Shrek pounced.
With a shriek, Jackie woke, aroused by an aroused parrot bonking the hat on her head.
"He turned into a maniac," she told her local tabloid. "All he wanted was to get his wing over. It’s disgusting."
Someone prone to wearing feather hats and leaving SlimNSexy pills around the house may well judge this as disgusting. In the circumstances, we see it as a perfectly reasonable flight of fancy.
www.news.com; image: www.theartfulhatcompany.co.uk
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