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: Vyoos news
bacterium

Living to be 34,000 years old would have some advantages (you'd have a lot of chances at the lottery), but there are some serious drawbacks too.

For a start, you would have to be a bacterium, which means that you would be limited, even if you did win the lottery, in what you could buy and enjoy.


Secondly, it's a long time to have a lousy view.

The 34,000-year-olds are a family of microbes were found by a research team digging in salt crystals at the bottom of Death Valley in California. The ancients were found living inside tiny, fluid-filled chambers within the crystals.

Brian Schubert, who made the discovery, described the find as a "very big surprise".

"They're alive," he said, "but they're not using any energy to swim around, they're not reproducing, they're not doing anything at all except maintaining themselves."

Long-term maintenance, but not much to look at and even less to do.

The story of the microbes has just been published in GSA Today, the publication of the Geological Society of America.





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How not to win friends and rob a store

October 24th 2010 05:52
: Vyoos news
dumb criminal
STORIES OF THE NEARLY NORMAL
A couple in El Paso, Texas, has provided the perfect example of why intelligent beings from space don't visit Earth. Every time an advanced civilisation takes an interest - perhaps after intercepting radio waves carrying strains of Mozart - and considers dropping by and offering a few technological hints on nuclear fusion and time travel, some Earthling does something really dumb and the aliens laugh and mark us down for a review in 50 years.

Usually it's something a politician says which makes a fool of all of us, but occasionally it's a gobsmackingly asinine act by Joe and Josephine Public.

That was the case this week in El Paso, Texas, when Noemi Duchene, 44, and Luis Del Castillo, 45, decided to rob a jewellery store.

They planned it real careful like. First, they considered the jewellery store right across the street from where they lived and decided that one would do fine. Then they did some research on disguises and decided to use a plastic rubbish bag. No robbery planning would be complete without careful getaway vehicle selection, and Noemi and Luis finally decided on a wheelchair.

CCTV cameras - crime detection facilitators which it is possible Noemi and Luis overlooked - caught the pair arriving outside the store, he pushing her in the wheelchair.

Noemi then jumped out of the chair and put on the black plastic bag, out of which, in another act of careful planning, eye holes had been cut. Then, while Luis waited outside with the getaway vehicle, Noemi went inside, approached Linda Bradely, the owner of the store, produced a knife from under the garbage bag, and said: "Give me everything."

Linda Bradely looked at Noemi for a moment, reached under the counter, and drew out a stun gun. Noemi looked at the stun gun for a moment and, in possibly the only vaguely intelligent decision of the day, decided to run. It was only a momentary glimpse of intelligence, for Noemi decided to run around the store, for some reason which nobody - not even the very intelligent aliens reviewing the action - could understand, ignoring the door.

"We're chasing each other around like Keystone cops," Bradely recalls. "I knew I could outrun her because she was obviously not very quick."

Thick, not quick.

Eventually another customer tackled the would-be robber. He held her while Bradely called the police. When they arrived, Luis was still standing outside with the wheelchair, perhaps thinking this was taking longer than planned.

nbc-2.com
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When mates suck

October 11th 2010 05:04
: vampire housemates
aaron homer and amanda williamson
Aaron Homer and Amanda Williamson

STORIES OF THE NEARLY NORMAL
Robert Maley, 25, shares an apartment in Phoenix, Arizona, with Aaron Homer, 24, and Amanda Williamson, 21.

Some time ago, Homer and Williamson, who are interested in ``vampire stuff and paganism'', asked Maley if they could drink some of his blood.

Maley said no problems, go right ahead.

At the weekend, Homer and Williamson asked Maley if they could drink some more of his blood. This time Maley said no, sorry, not in the mood today.

So his flatmates stabbed him.

Maley called the police, then fled.

When the police arrived at the apartment, they found Homer and Williamson covered in blood. They also saw a trail of blood leading away from the apartment.

They followed the trail. They found Maley with a stab wound to the arm. He'll be okay.

Back at the apartment, police found the knife allegedly used in the attack. It was in a bedroom, under a mattress.

Homer is likely to face a charge of aggravated assault. Both Homer Williamson face charges of false reporting.

Then the police arrested Maley. They had an outstanding warrant on him for probation violation.
story and image: nydailynews.com
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Alexander and the alligator

September 16th 2010 05:49
alligator
"You have to be kidding me. Is this story for real?"

Being an animal lover can hurt. Just ask Alexander Alcantare, of Florida.

[ Click here to read more ]
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Massive marketing

March 15th 2010 09:54
Donna Simpson
Donna Simpson, a 42-year-old mother from New Jersey, US, weighs 602 pounds, or 43 stone, or 273 kilograms. Her dream is to build that up to 1,000 pounds, or 71 stone, or 454 kilograms, making her the world's fattest woman.

Why not, she says. “I love eating and people love watching me eat. It makes people happy, and I'm not harming anyone


[ Click here to read more ]
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Today's news: US nuclear weapons scare

January 15th 2010 23:22
security scare

There has been a security scare at the super-sensitive Pantex nuclear weapons assembly plant in Amarillo, Texas.

[ Click here to read more ]
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Jacko nominated for Nobel Prize

August 11th 2009 05:22
michael jackson

A petition seeking to award the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize to Michael Jackson — yes, that one — has been signed by more than 15,000 people.

[ Click here to read more ]
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Record breaker

February 15th 2009 07:03
lee redmond long nails
Lee Redmond and her record finger nails

Breaking a nail shouldn't break your heart, but in Lee Redmond's case it came close.

[ Click here to read more ]
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Bumble's guide to US law

July 19th 2008 08:15
Mr Bumble
Dickens' Mr Bumble, the first to claim that the law can be an ass

Is it naïve to suggest that America is the land where litigation is the domain of the inventive? If you dream it, they will sue it.

[ Click here to read more ]
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Men who think with their nozzles

July 9th 2008 11:14
prostitute
She hasn't been told about the petrol voucher promotion
Picture: glossynews.com

American men, it appears, think with their nozzles.

[ Click here to read more ]
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