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Today's news: US nuclear weapons scare

January 15th 2010 23:22
security scare

There has been a security scare at the super-sensitive Pantex nuclear weapons assembly plant in Amarillo, Texas.

Officials locked down the plant, which maintains the safety, security and reliability of the US nuclear weapons stockpile, and initiated security procedures after receiving a report that two men wearing camouflage gear and carrying weapons had been seen across the road from the factory.


The plant was briefly shut down as a "precautionary measure", an official said.

The full force of local security and law enforcement then swung into action, and quickly determined that the two men were duck hunters.

"There was not a threat to the Pantex plant assets, workers, or the public, and the plant is now returning to normal operations," Pantex said in a statement.

The men "were just doing what people do around here", said Carson County Sheriff Tam Terry.

The two men suddenly "had a lot more company than they were planning on", Sheriff Terry said. No charges were laid as the men both had permission to hunt from the local landowner.
Reuters


flying duck


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Jacko nominated for Nobel Prize

August 11th 2009 05:22
michael jackson

A petition seeking to award the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize to Michael Jackson — yes, that one — has been signed by more than 15,000 people.

The petition was started by an American college student. The text praises the singer for his commitment to humanitarian causes.

"We the undersigned, believe Michael Jackson has given of himself completely and selflessly in a lifelong effort to help better global conditions for children, and all of humankind," the petition said. "Michael Jackson has undoubtedly earned the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize.''

The organisers say they are aiming for one million signatures.

If you think the goal of the petition misguided, the claims of the petition disputable and the organisers of the petition a beat short of three-four time, you would have a case. For starters, Nobel Peace Prize rules state that only parliamentarians, professors, previous laureates and members of certain international institutes are allowed to nominate candidates. Secondly, winners are not allowed to be dead.

Anyway, the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize already has 205 accepted nominees, including Barack Obama and Nicolas Sarkozy, both of whom take what might be termed a mainstream view of paedophilia and prescription drug abuse.

My suggestion is that everyone forget trying to earn a Nobel Prize for Michael Jackson and instead try to get one for Elvis Presley. He's still alive. I saw him in a McDonald's last week. Really, I did.

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Record breaker

February 15th 2009 07:03
lee redmond long nails
Lee Redmond and her record finger nails

Breaking a nail shouldn't break your heart, but in Lee Redmond's case it came close.

Redmond, of Salt Lake City, held the world record for long fingernails. Earlier this week she was in a car accident, and all her nails were broken.

We assume she wasn't driving.

Ms Redmond, whose injuries were reported as serious but not life-threatening, says she hasn't cut her nails since 1979. According to the Guinness Book of World Records website, her nails measured a total of 8.65m in 2008, with the longest nail on her right thumb at 90cm.

We wish Ms Redmond a full and speedy recovery. When she is better, we'd like to ask the following questions:

  • How do you blow your nose?
  • What happens when you get an itch on the palm of your hand?
  • How do you, y'know, finish up in the bathroom?
  • Do you floss?
  • What is your typing speed?
  • Are people, in general, happy to sit next to you on aeroplanes?
  • Do you tend to avoid recipes which say 'slice onions finely'?
  • When you put on those nice jeans, who did the zip up for you?
Associated Press










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Bumble's guide to US law

July 19th 2008 08:15
Mr Bumble
Dickens' Mr Bumble, the first to claim that the law can be an ass

Is it naïve to suggest that America is the land where litigation is the domain of the inventive? If you dream it, they will sue it.

[ Click here to read more ]
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Men who think with their nozzles

July 9th 2008 11:14
prostitute
She hasn't been told about the petrol voucher promotion
Picture: glossynews.com

American men, it appears, think with their nozzles.

[ Click here to read more ]
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