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Slap in the face for Indian progress

November 29th 2010 07:08
: Vyoos news
new delhi metro

Progress from a Third Word Economy to a First World Economy is about social change as much as economic change. The population needs to be educated in fiscal responsibility, company managers need to be trained in ethical work practices, and women need to taught correct procedures when men don't follow rules.


The third of these was apparent in New Delhi late last week when a group of men entered a women's only carriage on the metro system.

New Delhi's metro rail network is new and, from the moment it began operations, it was packed. The overcrowding, apart from being uncomfortable, also helped some sad men do some ugly things. The number of sexual harassment complaints rose quickly and stridently, and the authorities responded by creating women's only carriages.

It didn't work. With such overcrowding, it was hard to police, and men just kept pushing into points of least resistance on the trains, which was often the women's only space.

Rules are rules, however, and India's commitment to, and hunger for, growth is about social as well as economic development.

This led, last Thursday, to a police raid on a train pulling into Guru Dronacharya station at Gurgaon, a booming satellite development on the outskirts of Delhi. Guru Dronacharya, judging by the complaints, was a hot spot for male trespassers into reserved female space.

The police boarded the train and entered the women's carriage and, sure enough, found several men. The men were escorted off the train and fined $5.50 each.


This is quite a lot of money even in newly wealthy India, and so the country's developing fiscal and social systems can be said to have worked.

The women at the scene didn't think so. Having followed the men off the train, and having watched them let off with a fine, they decided a little extra punishment was in order. Under the protective, and presumably compliant, eye of the police, the women engaged in a little face-slapping.

Then they made the men do sit-ups on the station platform.

So much for new ways. It's not enough to leave them poor, the women said. They need to be humiliated as well.

In the end the thoroughly punished men were allowed to leave. Next time they are tempted to transgress, however, one wonders which punishment they will remember, and which will be a bigger deterrent.
dailymail.co.uk




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Dave Ismay gets a life

November 22nd 2010 09:36
: Vyoos news
Dave Ismay
Dave Ismay: big spender

What do you do when you are told you have three months to live? For Dave Ismay, a 64-year-old Briton who has spent a lifetime on stage as a comedian, the answer was: make a bucket list.

This Ismay said, was a list of things to do before he kicked the bucket.

His list included buying a Mercedes, visiting Australia, playing golf in Ireland, finishing a book about his life and auditioning for a part in a big pantomime, even though he had no idea if he would live to see the end of the season. Or even opening night.

Ismay won the pantomime role, and crossed all the other items off his list too. Well, all except one. The last one: Immortality. He might have had only months to live, but his sense of humour was surviving just fine.

He crammed all the list's activity into two months, and then returned to the real world by agreeing to independent, second-opinion liver biopsy test.

Ismay's original diagnosis was advanced cirrhosis of the liver, caused by a lifetime of heavy drinking. Ismay claims he was perplexed by this because, in his honest opinion, he had never been a heavy drinker. But how do you argue with a liver which shows all the signs of taking your life within weeks?

That's why the independent opinion seemed worthwhile. Nothing to lose.

The result of that second opinion deeply shocked Dave Ismay. Essentially, it was this: you aren't dying. You are suffering from hereditary haemochromatosis, a condition which leaves too much iron in the blood. And which is treatable.

Now Ismay has to re-budget the rest of his life. He spent all his savings having fun before he died.

He's cheated death. We suggest he cross immortality off his list as well.
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Charlie Sheen, idiot

October 28th 2010 10:25
: Vyoos news
charlie sheen


STORIES OF THE NEARLY NORMAL
If pushed, I would admit to a touch of envy at the life of Charlie Sheen.

The guy has enough talent to shine in the star-studded cast of TV mega-hit Two and a Half Men. He has looks and charm. He has wit, implying intelligence. One assumes, at age 45, he has health. And as part of the Sheen acting dynasty, he is of Hollywood aristocracy.

He has so much. So why does he waste it?

Why, in what was reported to be a drunken rage this week, did he take a prostitute back to his New York hotel room, wait until she was naked before locking her in a closet, and then trash the room?

Oh, wait, here it is, in the media small print: he flew into a rage because he found his wallet and phone missing.

The consequent room trashing must have sounded ominous to the naked prostitute locked in the closet. The report says she screamed. Perhaps she feared for her life. The report also said she phoned security, which duly came to the room and rescued her, in her nakedness, from the closet.

The report didn't say how she came to have a phone in the closet. It did say the security people didn't have to worry about Charlie because he was by this time passed out on the bed.

He was naked too.

Other reported facts were that Sheen was in New York on holiday with ex-wife Denise Richards and their two daughters, who were staying in a separate hotel suite. While they presumably had gone to bed at a civilised hour, perhaps anticipating some pleasant family togetherness the following day visiting a museum or a zoo or a show, Sheen had gone out "partying".

The hotel security people who woke Sheen said they found him "intoxicated, irrational" and "emotionally disturbed". However, he had gone voluntarily to hospital. Under police escort. On the way he confided to the cops, as best buddies do, that his night's entertainment had included cocaine.

A Sheen publicist said later that Charlie's behaviour was due to an allergic reaction to medication.

Right. Got it.

For a man with so much, why is Charlie Sheen such an idiot?
image: Getty Images





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The end of death by call hold

October 28th 2010 06:32
: Vyoos news
call hold

We have been perplexed at times to see surveys of consumer dislikes which do not rank phone calls being placed on hold as number one. We found this so surprising that we recently undertook our own research, and Vyoos can now reveal a carefully concealed corporate secret - a big business conspiracy, in which high-level politicians may be implicated - regarding this issue.

[ Click here to read more ]
115
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The lawman and the lap dancer

September 23rd 2010 09:16
: The lawman and the lap dancer
wyatt earp
Wyatt Earp would not be pleased

VYOOS EDITORIAL
Unemployment in the United States is close to 10 per cent, a disturbing level for a developed country, and is forecast to rise


[ Click here to read more ]
131
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A planet of barbarians

September 18th 2010 08:46
afghan war

During a recent conversation, a friend argued that if there were lots of other sentient beings in the universe, as is commonly supposed, surely they would have visited us. We can dismiss UFO sightings, which are common but useless in that they all stop short of being verifiable. So where are they? Why haven't all these supposedly advanced civilisations answered the radio signals we have been sending into space for years?

[ Click here to read more ]
107
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The Maddest Moment in History

September 17th 2010 06:38
cosmetic surgery

The Maddest Moments in History symposium, held every 50 years at a hot lava and ether resort in the upmarket north-western quadrant of the Triangulum Galaxy, is taken seriously by academics looking to create a better future by studying past aberrations.

[ Click here to read more ]
123
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Spill seekers

September 11th 2010 22:55
red wine swill

To understand wine is to demonstrate sophistication. To pronounce wine varieties and French brand names smoothly and accurately, to converse knowledgeably with wine waiters, is to stamp oneself as an urbane citizen of the world.

[ Click here to read more ]
52
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Money is sexy

August 30th 2010 08:28
donald trump bad hair money
Money compensates for bad hair too

There is an old joke that defines "charisma" as something that short, fat, balding rich men have. An Israeli academic has just proven it correct.

[ Click here to read more ]
63
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Beauty and the fleeced

June 29th 2010 06:51
laura anness

Phyllis Diller once said, "When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate." This sort of honest appraisal of oneself is something the winner of the 2010 Miss Cornwall beauty pageant has yet to learn.

[ Click here to read more ]
201
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Come home safely, Jessica

April 15th 2010 08:10
jessica watson

The Great Southern Ocean can be a terrible place, and there is in it at this moment a small, pink boat which has been battered for three days by wind gusts of over 50 knots, six-metre swells and a cold, stinging rain.

[ Click here to read more ]
184
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Ricky Martin is a tabloid gay

April 3rd 2010 05:17
ricky martin

VYOOS EDITORIAL
The main news stories around the world on Monday, March 29, were the terrorist attacks on the Moscow subway, a surprise visit by the US president to Afghanistan, and the announcement by Ricky Martin that he is gay


[ Click here to read more ]
184
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Bride misses her own wedding

April 3rd 2010 02:47
lego wedding

A drink with a friend before your wedding is a tradition Siobahn Watson was determined to follow. Now she wishes she hadn't.

[ Click here to read more ]
77
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Are women vain? The eyes have it

April 2nd 2010 01:32
womens glasses
For women confident enough to see it, glasses can be an elegant statement of self-assurance.

Scientists have produced evidence that just under 50 per cent of women are vain.

[ Click here to read more ]
60
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