How not to win friends and rob a store
October 24th 2010 05:52
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Vyoos news
A couple in El Paso, Texas, has provided the perfect example of why intelligent beings from space don't visit Earth. Every time an advanced civilisation takes an interest - perhaps after intercepting radio waves carrying strains of Mozart - and considers dropping by and offering a few technological hints on nuclear fusion and time travel, some Earthling does something really dumb and the aliens laugh and mark us down for a review in 50 years.
Usually it's something a politician says which makes a fool of all of us, but occasionally it's a gobsmackingly asinine act by Joe and Josephine Public.
That was the case this week in El Paso, Texas, when Noemi Duchene, 44, and Luis Del Castillo, 45, decided to rob a jewellery store.
They planned it real careful like. First, they considered the jewellery store right across the street from where they lived and decided that one would do fine. Then they did some research on disguises and decided to use a plastic rubbish bag. No robbery planning would be complete without careful getaway vehicle selection, and Noemi and Luis finally decided on a wheelchair.
CCTV cameras - crime detection facilitators which it is possible Noemi and Luis overlooked - caught the pair arriving outside the store, he pushing her in the wheelchair.
Noemi then jumped out of the chair and put on the black plastic bag, out of which, in another act of careful planning, eye holes had been cut. Then, while Luis waited outside with the getaway vehicle, Noemi went inside, approached Linda Bradely, the owner of the store, produced a knife from under the garbage bag, and said: "Give me everything."
Linda Bradely looked at Noemi for a moment, reached under the counter, and drew out a stun gun. Noemi looked at the stun gun for a moment and, in possibly the only vaguely intelligent decision of the day, decided to run. It was only a momentary glimpse of intelligence, for Noemi decided to run around the store, for some reason which nobody - not even the very intelligent aliens reviewing the action - could understand, ignoring the door.
"We're chasing each other around like Keystone cops," Bradely recalls. "I knew I could outrun her because she was obviously not very quick."
Thick, not quick.
Eventually another customer tackled the would-be robber. He held her while Bradely called the police. When they arrived, Luis was still standing outside with the wheelchair, perhaps thinking this was taking longer than planned.
nbc-2.com
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Comment by Andy Tope
Bagman's Gazette
Not fair. I want an alien visit!
Comment by Chris Champion
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