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Pee-ty stupid

March 10th 2011 02:47
: Vyoos news
STORIES OF THE NEARLY NORMAL
You would think that a bank robber who can get himself into a bank vault without being seen, spend the night removing cash and jewellery from 140 safety boxes, and then get out of the vault and clean away the following morning, would have some brains.

Instead, we have our newest member of the Nearly Normal Club.

The trouble with our bank robber, a Swede who got himself into a bank vault in Denmark, is that he couldn't go all night with having a you know what. He actually brought two empty bottles for this contingency, which was thoughtful of him.


Where his thinking broke down was the next morning, when he left the two full bottles of pee in the bank vault.

The consequences might have been different if he hadn't been dumb enough to have have engaged in criminal acts in the past, and get caught for doing so.

The Danish police called to investigate the empty security boxes took the full urine bottles, tested them and got a ding when they compared the DNA to the convicted crim list.

The result was a 21-month stretch in a place the size of a bank vault which has its own toilet.
www.thelocal.se



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: Vyoos news
committee meeting
Warning: Committee meetings can be dangerous to your health

STORIES OF THE NEARLY NORMAL
Further evidence has emerged that committee meetings on Planet Earth have been infected by an alien virus which feeds on dim-wittedness.


The latest outbreak of bizarre committee behaviour comes from the Czech Republic, where transport authority officers met recently to discuss road traffic problems.

The group heard that the problems were due to a shortage of traffic lights. Someone suggested more traffic lights be installed. Someone said traffic lights were expensive. Someone said perhaps traffic light alternatives could be explored.

Experts examining the transcript of the committee meeting pinpoint this moment as the crucial one. No human, they say, no matter how intellectually enfeebled, could have been responsible for what happened next unless under the influence of an alien viral invasion.

Someone suggested, instead of traffic lights, they install at intersections cardboard cut-outs of female police officers wearing mini-skirts.

Things got rapidly worse from there as the virus took over the meeting. Someone called for a vote on the proposal. And the committee voted in favour.

What happened next suggests the dim decision-creating virus, having had a feeding frenzy, went quiet, because things returned to sensible predictability.

The mini-skirted cardboard policewoman cut-outs did not solve the problem. Police said so many motorists were distracted by them that traffic accidents actually doubled.

What a surprise.

The virus, unfortunately, will need to feed again soon. Beware, it could infect a committee meeting near you.
news.com.au


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Brains of sand

October 12th 2010 05:15
: nearly normal
turtle
Digging on beaches should be left to professionals

STORIES OF THE NEARLY NORMAL
A German man trying to make the most of a late summer holiday in Spain decided a perfect Nearly Normal way to spend a day would be to dig a tunnel on the beach.

The 23-year-old started on the Tenerife beach by digging a three-metre deep hole. It took several hours. But then, before he could start the tunnel proper, the sides of the hole collapsed, burying the man up to his neck.

His girlfriend - showing a forgiving attitude to playing second-fiddle for hours to a sand-digging exercise - alerted emergency services. Given the size of the hole and the threat of further collapses, it took 15 firefighters nearly two hours to extricate the man.
news.com.au



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