Read + Write + Report
Home | Start a blog | About Orble | FAQ | Blogs | Writers | Paid | My Orble | Login

Pee-ty stupid

March 10th 2011 02:47
: Vyoos news
STORIES OF THE NEARLY NORMAL
You would think that a bank robber who can get himself into a bank vault without being seen, spend the night removing cash and jewellery from 140 safety boxes, and then get out of the vault and clean away the following morning, would have some brains.

Instead, we have our newest member of the Nearly Normal Club.

The trouble with our bank robber, a Swede who got himself into a bank vault in Denmark, is that he couldn't go all night with having a you know what. He actually brought two empty bottles for this contingency, which was thoughtful of him.


Where his thinking broke down was the next morning, when he left the two full bottles of pee in the bank vault.

The consequences might have been different if he hadn't been dumb enough to have have engaged in criminal acts in the past, and get caught for doing so.

The Danish police called to investigate the empty security boxes took the full urine bottles, tested them and got a ding when they compared the DNA to the convicted crim list.

The result was a 21-month stretch in a place the size of a bank vault which has its own toilet.
www.thelocal.se



41
Vote
   


Man rescued from his own stupidity

March 9th 2011 02:38
: Vyoos news
Timothy James Chapek
Timothy James Chapek, who declined to smile for his mug shot


STORIES OF THE NEARLY NORMAL
A man who broke into a home in Portland, Oregon, decided that he would have a shower while he was there.


It is not known whether having a shower was his intention in breaking into the house, or whether he had more conventional motives, such as robbery, which he deferred while he got cleaned up.

Whatever, there the intruder was, having a shower in someone else's home, when he was startled by a suspicious noise.

The man realised several things at once, although the sum total of their value barely registers on the IQ scale.

The first was that the noise might be the home owners returning, inconveniently, home.

The second was that, this being America, the homeowners might have a gun.

The third was, if they had a gun, he was in big trouble.

The fourth was, this might be a good time to panic.

So he did what any naked, wet, scared trespasser would do: he rang emergency.

It is also unknown whether he asked for police, ambulance, fire or the US Air Force. But someone came promptly, and arrested Mr Timothy James Chapek, 24, for being Nearly Normal.
story and image: www.kval.com/news



41
Vote
   


How not to win friends and rob a store

October 24th 2010 05:52
: Vyoos news
dumb criminal
STORIES OF THE NEARLY NORMAL
A couple in El Paso, Texas, has provided the perfect example of why intelligent beings from space don't visit Earth. Every time an advanced civilisation takes an interest - perhaps after intercepting radio waves carrying strains of Mozart - and considers dropping by and offering a few technological hints on nuclear fusion and time travel, some Earthling does something really dumb and the aliens laugh and mark us down for a review in 50 years.

Usually it's something a politician says which makes a fool of all of us, but occasionally it's a gobsmackingly asinine act by Joe and Josephine Public.

That was the case this week in El Paso, Texas, when Noemi Duchene, 44, and Luis Del Castillo, 45, decided to rob a jewellery store.

They planned it real careful like. First, they considered the jewellery store right across the street from where they lived and decided that one would do fine. Then they did some research on disguises and decided to use a plastic rubbish bag. No robbery planning would be complete without careful getaway vehicle selection, and Noemi and Luis finally decided on a wheelchair.

CCTV cameras - crime detection facilitators which it is possible Noemi and Luis overlooked - caught the pair arriving outside the store, he pushing her in the wheelchair.

Noemi then jumped out of the chair and put on the black plastic bag, out of which, in another act of careful planning, eye holes had been cut. Then, while Luis waited outside with the getaway vehicle, Noemi went inside, approached Linda Bradely, the owner of the store, produced a knife from under the garbage bag, and said: "Give me everything."

Linda Bradely looked at Noemi for a moment, reached under the counter, and drew out a stun gun. Noemi looked at the stun gun for a moment and, in possibly the only vaguely intelligent decision of the day, decided to run. It was only a momentary glimpse of intelligence, for Noemi decided to run around the store, for some reason which nobody - not even the very intelligent aliens reviewing the action - could understand, ignoring the door.

"We're chasing each other around like Keystone cops," Bradely recalls. "I knew I could outrun her because she was obviously not very quick."

Thick, not quick.

Eventually another customer tackled the would-be robber. He held her while Bradely called the police. When they arrived, Luis was still standing outside with the wheelchair, perhaps thinking this was taking longer than planned.

nbc-2.com
165
Vote
   


Chris Champion's Blogs

11037 Vote(s)
758 Comment(s)
121 Post(s)
4344 Vote(s)
33 Comment(s)
39 Post(s)
5507 Vote(s)
197 Comment(s)
72 Post(s)
3764 Vote(s)
208 Comment(s)
44 Post(s)
16239 Vote(s)
1597 Comment(s)
243 Post(s)
Moderated by Chris Champion
Copyright © 2012 On Topic Media PTY LTD. All Rights Reserved. Design by Vimu.com.
On Topic Media ZPages: Sydney |  Melbourne |  Brisbane |  London |  Birmingham |  Leeds     [ Advertise ] [ Contact Us ] [ Privacy Policy ]