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Cold arm of the law

May 3rd 2011 03:49
: Vyoos news
cat teases german shepherds
Roads less travelled

VYOOS EDITORIAL
You'd think Alaskans would be a little more tolerant of the spirit of adventure.


An 18-year-old got himself into trouble at the weekend when playing with friends on ice at the edge of the Chena River, in the state's main city of Fairbanks.

When a large piece of ice detached itself from the riverbank where the boys were, 18-year-old Michael Poland, in a fit of youthful enthusiasm, jumped onto it and rode off down the river.

The floe, with the teen aboard, floated through the middle of town. At some point the exuberance must have waned - the river was far too cold to contemplate a swim for the shore, and soon he would be into the suburbs, and then out into the wild.

Someone called the fire brigade, which rescued the boy. As soon as they got young Michael to shore, they handcuffed him, took him to the station, locked him up, read him the riot act, and discussed whether to charge him with disorderly conduct or creating a hazardous condition for fire fighters.

In the end they charged the boy with both.

When he comes before a judge to face these charges, I hope the judge remembers that we are talking about an 18-year-old boy whose crime involves giving in to a spirit of adventure and a sense of freedom and who acted his age, which happens to be an age when derring-do comes naturally.


It is part of both the psychological and physiological make-up of 18-year-old boys to be adventurous of spirit. It is the same spirit which helps humans survive in Alaska and other inhospitable environments.

The judge should be wise. I suggest the case be dismissed and the fire fighters instructed to thank the boy for reminding them what fun is.








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Even fools can dream

April 15th 2011 03:49
: Vyoos news
confidence trick

Of all the categories of criminal activity, the public is arguably most ambivalent about confidence tricksters.

Given that such people play on the honesty of others, this seems strange. But con artists also play on the greed and vanity of people, and in so doing reflect negatives of human character. It is for this reason that we can make heroes of outlaws such as Robin, Butch and Sundance.

Usually though, like most crime, the story contains no justice or adventure, and is instead a seedy tale of the heartless taking advantage of the vulnerable

Take the case this week of a South Carolina man, aged 58, who met a woman and agreed, just hours later, to marry her. She just happened to know of a celebrant who could perform the nuptials at short notice, and he was duly called and the wedding performed.

For reasons not explained by the media reports, our new husband then decided a trip to the local store was necessary. Perhaps he wanted to buy some bubbly to toast the start of a new, happier life.

He wasn't gone long, but when he returned, his "wife" had disappeared. So had the "celebrant" and his $100 fee. So had $600 cash the man had had in his home.

Con tricks can't come much lower than this. As Peter, Paul and Mary used to sing, "An older man but wiser now ... ", but no amount of experience can compensate for a brutally shattered dream.

heraldonline.com



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Pee-ty stupid

March 10th 2011 02:47
: Vyoos news
STORIES OF THE NEARLY NORMAL
You would think that a bank robber who can get himself into a bank vault without being seen, spend the night removing cash and jewellery from 140 safety boxes, and then get out of the vault and clean away the following morning, would have some brains.

Instead, we have our newest member of the Nearly Normal Club.

The trouble with our bank robber, a Swede who got himself into a bank vault in Denmark, is that he couldn't go all night with having a you know what. He actually brought two empty bottles for this contingency, which was thoughtful of him.

Where his thinking broke down was the next morning, when he left the two full bottles of pee in the bank vault.

The consequences might have been different if he hadn't been dumb enough to have have engaged in criminal acts in the past, and get caught for doing so.

The Danish police called to investigate the empty security boxes took the full urine bottles, tested them and got a ding when they compared the DNA to the convicted crim list.

The result was a 21-month stretch in a place the size of a bank vault which has its own toilet.
www.thelocal.se



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Man rescued from his own stupidity

March 9th 2011 02:38
: Vyoos news
Timothy James Chapek
Timothy James Chapek, who declined to smile for his mug shot


STORIES OF THE NEARLY NORMAL
[ Click here to read more ]
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How not to win friends and rob a store

October 24th 2010 05:52
: Vyoos news
dumb criminal
STORIES OF THE NEARLY NORMAL
A couple in El Paso, Texas, has provided the perfect example of why intelligent beings from space don't visit Earth. Every time an advanced civilisation takes an interest - perhaps after intercepting radio waves carrying strains of Mozart - and considers dropping by and offering a few technological hints on nuclear fusion and time travel, some Earthling does something really dumb and the aliens laugh and mark us down for a review in 50 years.

[ Click here to read more ]
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