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Uchitel teaches Tiger a lesson

August 24th 2010 03:15
rachel uchitel

VYOOS EDITORIAL

The shameless milking of a situation for notoriety and profit is something that Rachel Uchitel understands. For her, it’s not a matter of social conscience or philosophy. For Rachel, it’s a career move.

Rachel Uchitel was the first woman named in the never-ending Tiger Woods transgression story. Her name sits atop what turned out to be a long list.


Her name has been popping up ever since. We are not saying she receives money every time she is interviewed. Just most of them. Call it a nice return for her investment in a few steamy sessions with that randy philanderer Woods.

It’s a game she knows how to play well – or at least the pack of piranhas which gathers around the Rachel Uchitels of this world knows how to play.

The game is to tell all, bit by tantalising, lucrative bit. Facts are convenient if they fit; much more important is a plentiful supply of anecdotes, comments, advice and post-coital reflection.

Scripted scruples.

For a price.

Then you wait for the phone to ring, which it will do every time Tiger does something newsworthy. Such as mishit a drive. Such as have another bogey-laden misstep in the track back to Superstardom. Such as finalising his divorce.

That’s what happened yesterday when Woods and Elin Nordegren and a large number of lawyers met in a Florida court to sign off on their split.


“We are sad that our marriage is over and we wish each other the very best for the future,'' they said in a statement released by the lawyers (Nordegren reportedly had eight of them present).

What the statement didn’t make clear is the settlement details. Guesses so far range between $US100 and $500 million.

Did someone mention money? Back to Rachel Uchitel who, piranha-like, smelled an opportunity, scripted and polished something sellable to say, and released a statement of her own, through a lawyer of her own.

“Tiger can begin again but he should never forget the human wreckage that he has left behind and the fact that he has still not been fully accountable for the suffering that he has inflicted on women,” said Rachel.

“He has broken his wife's heart and the hearts of many others. His apparent lack of honesty in his relationships doomed his marriage and caused a break that could not be repaired.''

Oh really? Rachel, we know you have heard this before, but you knew he was married, you knew he had two small children, and you bonked him anyway. It takes two to philander. By what bizarre extension of logic do you now find it plausible to preach morals to him?

Our advice to you is to get a new press writer. The above is way too transparent, showing, as it does, a woman as bereft of common sense as she is of consideration.

It’s one thing to understand the shameless milking of a situation for notoriety and profit. It’s another to do it consistently well. Keep producing this kind of twaddle, Rachel, and you may have to look for a new career move.





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Jacko nominated for Nobel Prize

August 11th 2009 05:22
michael jackson

A petition seeking to award the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize to Michael Jackson — yes, that one — has been signed by more than 15,000 people.

The petition was started by an American college student. The text praises the singer for his commitment to humanitarian causes.

"We the undersigned, believe Michael Jackson has given of himself completely and selflessly in a lifelong effort to help better global conditions for children, and all of humankind," the petition said. "Michael Jackson has undoubtedly earned the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize.''

The organisers say they are aiming for one million signatures.

If you think the goal of the petition misguided, the claims of the petition disputable and the organisers of the petition a beat short of three-four time, you would have a case. For starters, Nobel Peace Prize rules state that only parliamentarians, professors, previous laureates and members of certain international institutes are allowed to nominate candidates. Secondly, winners are not allowed to be dead.

Anyway, the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize already has 205 accepted nominees, including Barack Obama and Nicolas Sarkozy, both of whom take what might be termed a mainstream view of paedophilia and prescription drug abuse.

My suggestion is that everyone forget trying to earn a Nobel Prize for Michael Jackson and instead try to get one for Elvis Presley. He's still alive. I saw him in a McDonald's last week. Really, I did.

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