UN denies appointment of an Alien Ambassador
September 28th 2010 07:38
:
Alien Ambassador
An emergency meeting of the Intergalactic Outreach Program, Milky Way Department, Minor and Primitive Species Sub-Committee, is "spitting mad" at Planet Earth, Vyoos has learned.
The information came from a steward who took a tea trolley into the sub-committee meeting. The steward, who spoke to Vyoos on condition of strict anonymity and payment of an unreasonably large amount of money, said he thought the sub-committee members were "extremely irritated" because Earthlings had caused an "unnecessary" meeting of the sub-committee.
That meeting is believed to have been called as a matter of top priority after an announcement on Earth that the United Nations, a large organistion dedicated to small talk, had decided to appoint an Alien Ambassador. The position was described by the UN as "somone in charge of making contact with extraterrestrials".
The news was broken by London's The Sunday Times. Vyoos would love to give you a link to the story, but we can't because The Sunday Times is one of the few newspapers in the known universe which charges for access to its web site.
The Sunday Times, according to other media reports about its report, named the Alien Ambassador as Mazlan Othman, the Malaysian-born, Vienna-based astrophysicist who is Director of the United Nations Office for Outer Space Affairs.
That's when the Intergalactic Outreach Program demanded its Milky Way Department do something. "We don't want to reach out to those pathetic primitives on Earth," a terse memo said. "Find out if this decision means their hopelessly ancient technology has given them a sniff of the existence of intelligent life elsewhere." The Milky Way Department immediately ordered the emergency meeting of the Minor and Primitive Species Sub-Committee.
It was just minutes after the start of that meeting that news came through that Earth's United Nations had issued a statement denying the report in The Sunday Times. It was, the UN said, "nonsense". Ms Othman quickly issued her own statement confirming the UN statement. There would be no appointment, and there never had been an intention to appoint, an Alien Ambassador.
The Sunday Times was not available for comment.
His Excellency the Honourable Schneckle Floowoorty, chairman of the Minor and Primitive Species Sub-Committee, said, "What the devil are those Earthlings playing at? I was hauled out of a Magellanic Pleasure Chamber for this meeting. And, dammit, where's the tea trolley?"
aolnews.com, newslite.tv, vancouversun.com, nypost.com
| 62 |
| Vote |
Add Comments
