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committee meeting
Warning: Committee meetings can be dangerous to your health

STORIES OF THE NEARLY NORMAL
Further evidence has emerged that committee meetings on Planet Earth have been infected by an alien virus which feeds on dim-wittedness.


The latest outbreak of bizarre committee behaviour comes from the Czech Republic, where transport authority officers met recently to discuss road traffic problems.

The group heard that the problems were due to a shortage of traffic lights. Someone suggested more traffic lights be installed. Someone said traffic lights were expensive. Someone said perhaps traffic light alternatives could be explored.

Experts examining the transcript of the committee meeting pinpoint this moment as the crucial one. No human, they say, no matter how intellectually enfeebled, could have been responsible for what happened next unless under the influence of an alien viral invasion.

Someone suggested, instead of traffic lights, they install at intersections cardboard cut-outs of female police officers wearing mini-skirts.

Things got rapidly worse from there as the virus took over the meeting. Someone called for a vote on the proposal. And the committee voted in favour.

What happened next suggests the dim decision-creating virus, having had a feeding frenzy, went quiet, because things returned to sensible predictability.


The mini-skirted cardboard policewoman cut-outs did not solve the problem. Police said so many motorists were distracted by them that traffic accidents actually doubled.

What a surprise.

The virus, unfortunately, will need to feed again soon. Beware, it could infect a committee meeting near you.
news.com.au


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Seeing red

December 1st 2010 02:43
: Vyoos news
norwegian toilet
In Norway, only local articles may be thrown into toilets.

Just when you thought Norway was a civilised country comes news about a culture of "tyrannical" employer toilet rules.

A newspaper report today says there is a corporate obession in Norway with loss of productivity due to toilet absences.

The report, in Britain's Daily Mail, claims two-thirds of Norwegian companies make staff ask managers for electronic key cards for loo breaks, one-third expect workers to sign in and out of toilets, and about one in three have toilets under video surveillance.

That's all water under the cistern, however, compared to the latest idea: a boss has ordered all female employees to wear red bracelets during their periods. This, apparently, will explain why they are using the toilet more often than usual.

The bracelet procedure, however, may be too much even for Norway. ``Women quite justifiably feel humiliated by being tagged in this way, so all their colleagues are aware of this intimate detail of their private life,'' said a Norwegian union spokesman.

Not that that sounds quite the fighting, outraged reaction the women of Norway might expect. One suspects British or Australian unions would be far more descriptive in their challenge to the Norwegian way of thinking.

I'd also like to see an Australian boss try to order an Australian woman to wear a red bracelet every time she has a period. I think we would quickly see said boss hiding in cubicle two and refusing ever to come out again.


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So you think you can dance

November 11th 2010 11:42
: Vyoos news
bureaucracy

No, you can't dance. Not if you are in the Lounge Bar in Stockport, England. It's not that the bar's owners, Lucy O'Brien and Rick Clements, disapprove of dancing, it's that the local council disapproves of dancing.

Lucy and Rick would like patrons to be allowed to dance. When they set up the Lounge Bar in 2008, they planned to have music and dancing in an upstairs room. When the room was ready, they did the right thing and applied for council approval. They submitted all sorts of documentation to support their application, including an engineer's report saying that the floor of the upstairs room was structurally safe for dancing.

The council granted a permit allowing music to be played in the room. The council granted a permit for DJs to operate in the room. The council refused a permit for dancing in the room. We disagree, the council said, with the engineer who said the floor was fine.

Since then Lucy and Rick have tried to run their business, offering food, drink and music, but not dancing. On that front, they put up No Dancing posters. They instructed staff to discourage any movement which looked like dancing. "We have done all we can to discourage people, but you can't tie people's legs together,'' Lucy O'Brien said.

No, we don't suppose you can. Which is unfortunate because a passing policeman recently saw three girls dancing in The Lounge's upstairs room and reported the matter. The council has decided to prosecute. The Lounge faces a fine of up to 1,600 pounds (about US$2,500).

After two years of living with bureaucratic quibbling that she wasn't happy with in the first place, Lucy O'Brien opened fire. "Dancing is not a crime," she said. "The council has been completely over-zealous. People being paid to find things like this is a waste of taxpayers' money."

A council spokesman responded: "The company was fully aware of the restrictions and the risk to customers but chose to continue to operate regardless of this. We believe that the appropriate action was to prosecute on the grounds of public safety."

Council, your partner in fine dancing.

There are no winners here.
news.com.au




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Pandemic hysteria about paedophilia

September 24th 2010 18:22
: How far
parents watching kids sport

Two news reports this week make one wonder how far the global tidal wave of protectionism towards children will go.

[ Click here to read more ]
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British school bans short skirts

June 23rd 2010 13:13
227
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No kissing allowed

February 18th 2009 04:11
kissing banned

We've all smiled at happy reunions as people get off planes, trains or buses and collapse into the arms of waiting loved ones. And we've all empathised with tearful farewells in the same places.

[ Click here to read more ]
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