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Cold arm of the law

May 3rd 2011 03:49
: Vyoos news
cat teases german shepherds
Roads less travelled

VYOOS EDITORIAL
You'd think Alaskans would be a little more tolerant of the spirit of adventure.


An 18-year-old got himself into trouble at the weekend when playing with friends on ice at the edge of the Chena River, in the state's main city of Fairbanks.

When a large piece of ice detached itself from the riverbank where the boys were, 18-year-old Michael Poland, in a fit of youthful enthusiasm, jumped onto it and rode off down the river.

The floe, with the teen aboard, floated through the middle of town. At some point the exuberance must have waned - the river was far too cold to contemplate a swim for the shore, and soon he would be into the suburbs, and then out into the wild.

Someone called the fire brigade, which rescued the boy. As soon as they got young Michael to shore, they handcuffed him, took him to the station, locked him up, read him the riot act, and discussed whether to charge him with disorderly conduct or creating a hazardous condition for fire fighters.

In the end they charged the boy with both.

When he comes before a judge to face these charges, I hope the judge remembers that we are talking about an 18-year-old boy whose crime involves giving in to a spirit of adventure and a sense of freedom and who acted his age, which happens to be an age when derring-do comes naturally.


It is part of both the psychological and physiological make-up of 18-year-old boys to be adventurous of spirit. It is the same spirit which helps humans survive in Alaska and other inhospitable environments.

The judge should be wise. I suggest the case be dismissed and the fire fighters instructed to thank the boy for reminding them what fun is.








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: Vyoos news
pregnant driver

There are times when my naivete steps up and smacks me across the bridge of the nose.

Here I was nodding in agreement with the words of a New York City Councilman named David Greenfield who supports a proposal that pregnant women be granted the freedom to park anywhere for the duration of their pregnancy and another 30 days after giving birth.

"New York is a tough place to get around. A difficult pregnancy makes it tougher. This should make it a little bit easier," he added.

I nodded.

But then I read the words of several experts who pointed out the shortcomings of the plan.

Take Sonia Ossorio, who is executive director of the National Organization For Women. "Parking privileges for women experiencing difficult pregnancies is a thoughtful idea," Ossorio allowed. However, "I don't want to see a short-term privilege like easy parking create an environment that further stigmatizes pregnancy," she said. "Workplace discrimination against pregnant women is on the rise already, and if women say they need special parking spots, it could feed the perception that they're weak."

Why didn't I think of that?

Paul Steely White, of the transit advocacy group Transportation Alternatives, was another to shed expert light on an issue obviously more complex than I at first understood.

"The city already has too many special parking permits - and too many people abusing the system with fake placards and scams," White said. "This would create another group entitled to park on curbs where there is no room already."

I really hadn't thought about the people abusing the system with false placards and scams. I'm so grateful we have all these experts to rely on.

The free parking plan for pregnant women will be introduced to New York City Council next week. It sounds a good idea - you know, based on common sense and caring and stuff - but what would I know?

Sadly, there are other nave people around still running with the original idea. "Being eight or nine months pregnant is hard, so this is a good benefit," said 29-year-old New Yorker Asma Lat.

Asma needs to read the rest of this report. Looking at the free parking plan in such simple terms would never win cred in the National Organization for Women.

Apart from being pregnant, what would she know?
www.nydailynews.com










50
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: Vyoos news
committee meeting
Warning: Committee meetings can be dangerous to your health

STORIES OF THE NEARLY NORMAL
Further evidence has emerged that committee meetings on Planet Earth have been infected by an alien virus which feeds on dim-wittedness.

The latest outbreak of bizarre committee behaviour comes from the Czech Republic, where transport authority officers met recently to discuss road traffic problems.

The group heard that the problems were due to a shortage of traffic lights. Someone suggested more traffic lights be installed. Someone said traffic lights were expensive. Someone said perhaps traffic light alternatives could be explored.

Experts examining the transcript of the committee meeting pinpoint this moment as the crucial one. No human, they say, no matter how intellectually enfeebled, could have been responsible for what happened next unless under the influence of an alien viral invasion.

Someone suggested, instead of traffic lights, they install at intersections cardboard cut-outs of female police officers wearing mini-skirts.

Things got rapidly worse from there as the virus took over the meeting. Someone called for a vote on the proposal. And the committee voted in favour.

What happened next suggests the dim decision-creating virus, having had a feeding frenzy, went quiet, because things returned to sensible predictability.

The mini-skirted cardboard policewoman cut-outs did not solve the problem. Police said so many motorists were distracted by them that traffic accidents actually doubled.

What a surprise.

The virus, unfortunately, will need to feed again soon. Beware, it could infect a committee meeting near you.
news.com.au


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Seeing red

December 1st 2010 02:43
: Vyoos news
norwegian toilet
In Norway, only local articles may be thrown into toilets.

Just when you thought Norway was a civilised country comes news about a culture of "tyrannical" employer toilet rules.

[ Click here to read more ]
101
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So you think you can dance

November 11th 2010 11:42
: Vyoos news
bureaucracy

No, you can't dance. Not if you are in the Lounge Bar in Stockport, England. It's not that the bar's owners, Lucy O'Brien and Rick Clements, disapprove of dancing, it's that the local council disapproves of dancing.

[ Click here to read more ]
107
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: Alien Ambassador
alien

An emergency meeting of the Intergalactic Outreach Program, Milky Way Department, Minor and Primitive Species Sub-Committee, is "spitting mad" at Planet Earth, Vyoos has learned.

[ Click here to read more ]
62
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Pandemic hysteria about paedophilia

September 24th 2010 18:22
: How far
parents watching kids sport

Two news reports this week make one wonder how far the global tidal wave of protectionism towards children will go.

[ Click here to read more ]
75
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British school bans short skirts

June 23rd 2010 13:13
227
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No kissing allowed

February 18th 2009 04:11
kissing banned

We've all smiled at happy reunions as people get off planes, trains or buses and collapse into the arms of waiting loved ones. And we've all empathised with tearful farewells in the same places.

[ Click here to read more ]
94
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Blockheaded bureaucracy

November 1st 2008 21:01
There is plenty that is fundamentally right with Australia's immigration policy, with its commitment to multicultural awareness and acceptance, and there is no doubt plenty to applaud in the efforts of the bureaucrats who administer that policy. Most days, it's smooth sailing.

This is bureaucracy, however, and a collision between common sense and the quagmire of committee-inspired regulations which form the framework within which every bureaucrat struggles to breathe, let alone operate, is never far away


[ Click here to read more ]
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