Croc justice
July 18th 2010 08:47
It emanated from Outback Australia - that continent-sized wasteland in which, according to one-time visitor Mark Twain, nothing can surive except “some of the hardier forms of rock”.
These days they have a few towns out there, and in the towns there are always two kinds of people: the locals and the tourists. The former are the kind of hardy souls who have leather for skin and eyes that can see for miles. They don’t say a lot; they do see a lot.
The visitors are city slickers who bring dollars and a holiday mentality on their once-in-lifetime Outback jaunt. The locals don’t think a lot of the visitors, but they can’t ignore them - apart from their money, those city clickers wouldn’t last five minutes out here without someone holding their hand.
This week's news story is a case in point.
A man was drinking in a tavern in Broome, Western Australia. Broome is the main town of the remote Kimberley region. Our drinker was a visitor. He was having a good time. A very liquid good time. Such a good time that, somewhere close to midnight, they chucked him out of the tavern and told him to go get some sleep.
Instead, he decided to go give Fatso a kiss.
Fatso is a saltwater crocodile who lives in an enclosure in Broome. He’s a tourist attraction – a five-metre long tourist attraction.
The enclosure, surrounded by a high fence, is opposite the tavern. It proved irresistible to our party-minded visitor, and he decided that, before going back to his hotel room to sleep, he simply must give Fatso a goodnight kiss.
He climbed the fence. He entered the enclosure. He stumbled towards the water. In the shallows, he saw Fatso.
That’s when he changed his mind. Instead of kissing the crocodile, he decided to ride him.
He climbed on board.
Fatso twirled and, in very little time, made a considerable mess of the man’s leg.
But now, instead of going any further, let's rewind a little and hand over the story to a local police spokesman. It is an instance, we believe, when the polemics of procedure works well. Either that or we have here a policeman with a very bright twinkle in his eye.
“He made his way into the crocodile park and then climbed into the compound with a large, male 5m saltwater croc named Fatso,'' said the policeman
“He has attempted to sit on its back and the croc has taken offence to that and has spun around and bitten him on the right leg.
“For an unknown reason, the crocodile has let him go and he's managed to scale the fence and exit the park.'' He then, by the way, made his way back across the road to the tavern from which he’d been ejected. The locals, we believe, managed not to laugh too hard while they called an ambulance.
Back to our police report: “The man is extremely lucky to be alive. No person in their right mind would try to sit on a 5m crocodile,'' the policeman said.
“Saltwater crocodiles, once they get hold of you, are not renowned for letting you go. He's lucky to have escaped with his life.”
And as a gentle finale: “We do know he's from the eastern states and he doesn't seem to have a very good understanding of the nature of saltwater crocs in the Kimberley.''
The cop, being a professional, delivered all this with a straight face. It must have been hard.
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