Give us our game back Andrew 4
September 14th 2008 07:34
April 2012, Round 1, Australian Football League: Crowd scene at the first Western Sydney Football Club game
Hello and welcome to our first Australian Football League round-up for 2012. The season began with a big Round 1 attendance, partly due to the introduction this year of two expansion teams, the Gold Coast Suntans and Western Sydney Tasmanians.
We say "partly" because Western Sydney Football Club's first ever AFL match, at the Sponsor Wanted Stadium, was attended by 11 people, all of whom admitted they had slept in the grandstand the previous night.
"I haven't never seen a football field with curved touch lines before. Where's the cross bar?" said one.
The AFL's chief executive officer, Mr Andrew Iearnmorethanyou, said the poor attendance at Sponsor Wanted Stadium was due "entirely" to the opposition not turning up.
"The Collingwood team bus got lost," he said. "The league conducted an immediate enquiry and determined that the team bus couldn't find the ground. Neither could thousands of Collingwood supporters who travelled from Melbourne for the game.
"Look, we recognise that it's a problem, but you have to realise that western Sydney is a big place," said Mr Iearnmorethanyou.
Police and other officials are still searching for 19,710 Collingwood supporters as yet unaccounted for. One of the few Collingwood officials not wandering aimlessly in the back streets of western Sydney told us, "It's a disaster. Eddie's still out there somewhere.
"And, by the way, we deny that most Collingwood supporters misread the instructions to take the Great Western Highway out of Sydney and instead took the Western Highway out of Melbourne." Spokespeople for several wineries at Great Western denied reports that there is no alcohol left in the town.
The problems are another setback for the AFL, which had faced strong criticism for insisting that an expansion team be placed in western Sydney. "It really shits you big time," said Mr Iearnmorethanyou after he thought the microphone had been turned off. "It isn't good enough that you offer a fair and balanced compromise solution by renaming the Sydney team the Tasmanians. No, people still complain and start calling you names like 'Affluent Andy'."
The AFL had worked particularly hard to address the issues since another embarrassing "bugger-me-was-that-mike-stil l-on?" incident when Mr Iearnmorethanyou was heard comparing New South Wales beer to effluent.
Some Sydneysiders have since started referring to the AFL boss as 'Effluent Andy'.
Meanwhile, Western Sydney was awarded the Round 1 match by default, putting it in ninth place on the ladder with a percentage of zero. The result bankrupted several hundred bookmakers who had offered short odds that Western Sydney would not win a match before it folded and relocated to Tasmania, where it should have gone in the first place.
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